Save me from corporate speak

Keep it simple ...

Keep it simple …

Having just returned from four solid weeks of customer and international collaboration meetings, I’m up to pussy’s bow with corporate speak.

The next time you feel the need to reach out, touch base, shift a paradigm, leverage a best practice or, at the end of the day, move into a new space, by all means do it. Just don’t say you’re doing it like that.

No longer the province of consultants and business-school types, the annoying corp-speak trend has infused businesses everywhere. Used as a means of corporate elitism, such talk, along with obscure acronyms, make people feel part of the club.

Well, here’s a cliché to kick us off: talk is cheap.

Because sincerity requires more than lifting something from a business magazine in an airport lounge. Anyway, to get you up to speed (sorry), here’s a far from exhaustive list of corp-speak, with a few [comments] along the way. Some on this list are clichés, others are aphorisms, but they’re all equally irritating. I’m sure you’ll have many more.

  • What the mind can conceive, it can achieve [But can you fly like a bird?]
  • Winners never quit [But to become winners, they do change their approach – a more subtle argument.]
  • What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger
  • Teamwork to make the dream work [Pass me the bucket.]
  • Money can’t buy happiness [Oh yes it can.]
  • There’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’ [What about healthy teams that appreciate constructive individuality? By the way, there is a ‘me’ in team.]
  • Good things come to those who wait [Why wait?]
  • It was meant to be [Then why did we bother trying to make it not be?]
  • The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results [Sometimes you have to do the same thing many times to get the result you want – it’s called practice.]
  • Let’s take that offline [Are we really that digitally focused?]
  • We’re moving into that ‘space’ [It’s not cool when everyone is saying this.]
  • Everything happens for a reason [Who decides the reason?]
  • Innovative, solutions orientated, service focused [You get the picture … blah.]
  • We’re going from ‘good’ to ‘great’
  • Blue ocean, red ocean
  • People are our most important asset [Yet most businesses certainly don’t act like they are.]
  • It is what it is
  • Live each moment like it’s your last
  • Follow your bliss
  • It’s just my personal opinion [No, tells us what someone else thinks.]
  • Let’s not reinvent the wheel
  • I’m a thought leader [Not if you have to say you are.]
  • It’s not rocket science [Unless you work for NASA!]
  • It’s all good [Usually said when it isn’t.]
  • The time is now! [Of course it is. When else!]
  • Make hay while the sun shines
  • Bespoke solution [Great for Rolls Royce, silly for almost everyone else.]
  • Don’t assume – it makes an ASS out of U and ME [Another bucket please.]
  • What’s done is done
  • Greed is good [Finally, one I agree with.]
  • Pushing the envelope [Air Force to Corporate, a giant leap …?]
  • Nice guys finish last
  • Paradigm shift [Has no meaning but people like to pretend it does.]
  • Go with the flow
  • No offence, but … [We know what’s coming next.]
  • Rome wasn’t built in a day
  • Work smarter, not harder
  • We’re all in this together [Group failure is always so much better.]
  • Everything always works out in the end
  • Tomorrow is another day
  • It could be worse [From whose perspective?]
  • Think outside the box
  • The best things in life are free [Do you really believe that?]
  • Work hard, play hard
  • The more things change, the more they stay the same [No they don’t!]
  • Fail harder [Whatever that means, but I’m not inclined to try it!]
  • Perception is reality [What about when your perception is psychotic?]
  • Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm [How about winning occasionally. Talk about a negative mind set!]
  • At the end of the day [My most hated. Never again.]

So, there are a few phrases to throw into the mix and see what sticks so you can transition your brand trajectory, without offshoring, to leverage your core competencies to drive efficiency and ensure client-centric solutions for a valued added experience.

Please, try something new.

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3 Responses to “Save me from corporate speak”

  1. paulhassing Says:

    Well done, WLB2. Looks like you really gave this 110%! 😉

  2. Worklifebankbalance Says:

    Thanks Paul, we’re about to ‘workshop’ your comment and plan to get back to you ‘at the end of the day’. And don’t forget, here at MegaCorp, we put people first. Have a nice day now!

  3. adamnrave Says:

    Wow. Save me from all that, indeed. There was a wonderful paragraph from an NBN boffin in the paper recently, saying (something like) they were ‘currently leveraging opportunities to optimise pricing structures for infrastructure development roll outs in key market sectors’. It went on for much longer than that. And what they mean is: we’re now charging to lay cable. Sheesh.

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